This week has been a little rough. We started out having a packed schedule, and then just about everything fell through. You have those days in the mission, but I just got really frustrated this time, because my companion does pretty much all the talking in lessons. I've been getting really, really stressed and frustrated because of it. Since my depression, my self esteem hasn't been that great, so I've been trying to focus more on my strengths to boost it. I've always considered teaching one of my greatest strengths. When I had depression, the only time I felt a reprieve was when I was teaching. So, now not teaching (often not even bearing my testimony) has really driven me up the wall. I tend to be a little anti-confrontational, so it's been really hard for me to talk to Elder Benitez about it. Saturday night, though, we just had a terrible lesson. I didn't talk to him the whole ride home. It was our all-time low. Elder Benitez was questioning why he's out here. Satan has been working really hard on us. I took some time, looked at what needed to be fixed, and then turned to the scriptures. I don't remember why I opened my scriptures, but I know it was inspired. I opened to Alma 26. This is when Ammon and his brothers return from their mission. Here's what it says (emphasis added):
27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.
28 And now behold, we have come, and been forth amongst them; and we have been patient in our sufferings, and we have suffered every privation; yea, we have traveled from house to house, relying upon the mercies of the world--not upon the mercies of the world alone but upon the mercies of God.
29 And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills; and we have also entered into their temples and their synagogues and taught them; and we have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and smote upon our cheeks; and we have been stoned, and taken and bound with strong cords, and cast into prison; and through the power and wisdom of God we have been delivered again.
30 And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.
31 Now behold, we can look forth and see the fruits of our labors; and are they few? I say unto you, Nay, they are many; yea, and we can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us.
Missions are hard. Heck, life is hard. It doesn't matter who you are, life is hard. But this is why I am out here on a mission. It was a good reminder. It felt like it was talking about me, too. Of course, I haven't been put into prison, or smitten on the cheek, or anything like that, but my heart has certainly been depressed. Things have been hard. But this is why I'm here.
I shared it with Elder Benitez, and it changed everything. We talked it out, and I'm going to help Elder Benitez learn how to teach, and he's going to back off a bit. Yesterday the lessons we had were awesome. A huge difference from Saturday. I got into the shower that night, to relax and let off some stress, and the spirit just washed over me. It was powerful. It felt like Heavenly Father was giving me a huge hug, and smiling, telling me how proud He is of me. The inspiration came to me that I had just used my gift of discernment. It felt like Heavenly Father was beaming at me and saying "you did it" over and over again. I love how the Lord uses us to help others, and I am so grateful that the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, and that he is teaching me how to use it.
Some days I feel like it's a death crawl to the finish line at the airport on December 14th, and I'm just making whatever offering to the Lord I can scrape together, holding white-knuckled to the iron rod, and gritting my teeth and marching on despite emotional rain clouds and Satan's armies besetting me. That's okay, though. I know I have my family and friends supporting me. I am surrounded by supportive missionaries and members who love me, and, most of all, the Lord is leading me on, and with His help there is nothing I can't overcome. I trust Him, and I know he'll lead me home, after I've done what He's got planned for me to do.
Congrats to Spencer on being officially licensed! Yeah, if I remember correctly, Dave was grumpy when I took my test, too. Not a pleasant person. Makes me really want to be happy when I'm with other people, so I can make their day go better! I hope you and Madi have fun while Mom and Spencer are at Ed Week. Next year we'll go as a family.
I don't really have much else to say, I guess. Javy's doing great. He quit his job so he can come to church on Sunday's. We took him teaching last night, and it made him want to spend all his free time with us, because there's not a good influence where he's living right now. We'll keep working win him, and I'll keep you posted.
Love,
Elder Brandt Hull
27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.
28 And now behold, we have come, and been forth amongst them; and we have been patient in our sufferings, and we have suffered every privation; yea, we have traveled from house to house, relying upon the mercies of the world--not upon the mercies of the world alone but upon the mercies of God.
29 And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills; and we have also entered into their temples and their synagogues and taught them; and we have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and smote upon our cheeks; and we have been stoned, and taken and bound with strong cords, and cast into prison; and through the power and wisdom of God we have been delivered again.
30 And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.
31 Now behold, we can look forth and see the fruits of our labors; and are they few? I say unto you, Nay, they are many; yea, and we can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us.
Missions are hard. Heck, life is hard. It doesn't matter who you are, life is hard. But this is why I am out here on a mission. It was a good reminder. It felt like it was talking about me, too. Of course, I haven't been put into prison, or smitten on the cheek, or anything like that, but my heart has certainly been depressed. Things have been hard. But this is why I'm here.
I shared it with Elder Benitez, and it changed everything. We talked it out, and I'm going to help Elder Benitez learn how to teach, and he's going to back off a bit. Yesterday the lessons we had were awesome. A huge difference from Saturday. I got into the shower that night, to relax and let off some stress, and the spirit just washed over me. It was powerful. It felt like Heavenly Father was giving me a huge hug, and smiling, telling me how proud He is of me. The inspiration came to me that I had just used my gift of discernment. It felt like Heavenly Father was beaming at me and saying "you did it" over and over again. I love how the Lord uses us to help others, and I am so grateful that the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, and that he is teaching me how to use it.
Some days I feel like it's a death crawl to the finish line at the airport on December 14th, and I'm just making whatever offering to the Lord I can scrape together, holding white-knuckled to the iron rod, and gritting my teeth and marching on despite emotional rain clouds and Satan's armies besetting me. That's okay, though. I know I have my family and friends supporting me. I am surrounded by supportive missionaries and members who love me, and, most of all, the Lord is leading me on, and with His help there is nothing I can't overcome. I trust Him, and I know he'll lead me home, after I've done what He's got planned for me to do.
Congrats to Spencer on being officially licensed! Yeah, if I remember correctly, Dave was grumpy when I took my test, too. Not a pleasant person. Makes me really want to be happy when I'm with other people, so I can make their day go better! I hope you and Madi have fun while Mom and Spencer are at Ed Week. Next year we'll go as a family.
I don't really have much else to say, I guess. Javy's doing great. He quit his job so he can come to church on Sunday's. We took him teaching last night, and it made him want to spend all his free time with us, because there's not a good influence where he's living right now. We'll keep working win him, and I'll keep you posted.
Love,
Elder Brandt Hull